I used to love grocery store angel food cake. I would buy one at lunch in high school and eat a bit all week. 

I had no idea that they are so easy to make. As long as you can separate eggs and have a mixer, you’re all set. Bonus if you can think of uses for a dozen egg yolks. 

I paired this with a seasonally appropriate cranberry orange compote and always seasonally appreciated coffee. We drove to Wisconsin for brunch with a dear college friend and this cake traveled easily. 

 Topped with carmelized onion and purple basil, this made a cheerful warm dinner for us.  

Well, most of us. One child sobbed: mom! You could’ve warned me that we weren’t having a sweet cake. 

Point taken kid. 

Now eat it. 

Perfect to take to holiday gatherings: it is best made ahead, travels well, looks amazing, can be homemade or semi-homemade, and feeds a crowd. 

Provided cakes for a writing group’s last meeting of the semester. Chocolate cake (in my unending quest for the perfect gf chocolate cake) and an orange citron cake. Because booze in cake is hard to do badly. 

Sometimes I do not miss him.

I think it is important to note this too.

I have felt guilty at times- here I am mourning someone who did not die young or suddenly, who had a wonderful life and a happy home, who we knew would eventually die. Sometimes I felt badly when we left to go camping for a few days or spend a weekend in Chicago. Somehow I did not feel bad when I was cleaning up messes or counting pills, or waking up early to make breakfast or canceling plans to meet with the Hospice nurse.

Tonight, the kitchen is a mess from baking and the living room is cluttered with toys.

When I walked through, I suddenly thought, “quickly, clean up those toys; Grandpa’s walker won’t get through.”

It has been months since I had to think about his walker.

The house can be a little messy and I can leave the dishes until morning if I’m too tired. I can make a vegetable-heavy meal and not think of a meat + potatoes alternative. In fact if I’m not back by dinnertime, that’s okay too.

I made this pumpkin roll tonight and it would not have been one of my Grandpa’s favorites. And that is okay too. I am leaving the dishes until morning and trying my best not to feel guilty about the times when I don’t miss this last year and all the responsibilities that came along with it.